When parents feel their child has done something wrong, they resort to punishment. This punishment maybe in the form of warnings, lectures, threat, sarcasm or worst, hitting the child. And when the child gets upset afterwards, we believe he’ll become alright after sometime. What we don’t realize is the extent of damage we might be causing to his psyche and that no amount of love later on can undo this damage.
Why do we punish?: Parents often justify punishment that if children are not punished, they’ll become worse or they’ll get away without facing any con-sequences of their wrong doing. They also feel that doing no-thing would make them power-less as parents.
How it’ll affect the child?: It’s not just tears or a sour face that is the outcome of a punishment. Children may have feelings of hatred, revenge, defiance against their parents. They may even begin to feel unworthy, guilty or go in the mode of self pity, thus shattering their confidence and self-esteem.
Will it make the child realize his mistake?: When we punish, we stop the natural process through which the child analyses his behaviour, realize how wrong he was and how he can improve upon it. Punishment shifts his focus on how he was a victim and how badly he was dealt with rather amending his mistakes.
Is there an alternative?: It is not the question of mild or harsh punishment but the way you make your point to the child that his behaviour is unacceptable. Instead of shouting, slapping or criticizing him, try to distract your child. If it doesn’t work, tell him in clear and firm manner that he is misbehaving and you are not liking it. If he still doesn’t listen, let him face the consequences by making him sit in his room without toys or not taking him out as promised.
“Is the punishment justified?” ask yourself: You are in a more powerful situation being mightier and elder to your child. Don’t ever misuse this. If children act naughty, do silly things, make careless mistakes – it is natural. They cannot be expected to act like adults. So don’t act like a dictator or an inspector, let children be themselves.